Life is so miserable???

Sometimes I wonder why I was born into this world, full of problems and misery which make my life seem so unimportant and undeserving...

Life is so unfair, so imperfect, so unpredictable yet so meaningful???

Yesterday after I watched the channel 8 serial 'mars and venus', I laid on my bed, unable to sleep, tossing here and there. My eyes were wide open, my mind was absolutely clear at that precise moment. I was wondering why life is full of ups and down? Is it a test? Why am I one of the few billions/zillions in this world to be treated as 'guinea pigs'?

But that was not really the issue. I can't imagine what life would be like if I lose my love ones? Would I collapse and commit suicide? No! I can't, I have to shoulder the responsibility of a brother and continue to care for one another. My Mum have pinned high hopes on me. I can't let her down. My gf will be yearning for my presence. I can't let her go....

What is happening to me? I really don't know...I'm lost...I'm desperate....I cried....